365 Days of YABJAYA | Self-Love

OMG. I just read something, and as I was reading I had a thought: When you turn 4/5 years old, you begin going to school 5 days a week for a certain number of hours a day. Then you graduate and either go to a job 5 days a week for a certain of hours a day or attend another school, then go to a job.

So we were trained to sit, be bored, look forward to weekends as relief from the 5 days a week, all to “earn” your place in the world by way of having the ability to float pieces of paper around to attain stuff so that everyone else knows you’re successful.

It doesn’t matter that you may be absolutely miserable, hate what you do, and spend countless hours away from the people and places you love in order to “earn” your place in the world, because having more and more stuff makes you valuable?

Then when you wake up one time and really put your life under a microscope and starting looking for an M-A-P {for everyone who saw this video, you’ll know what I’m talking about} to get out of the situation and live your life a different way, You’re called crazy, a dreamer, lazy, weird, conspiracy theorist, etc….

When the reality is no one on his/her deathbed says, “Geez, I wish I spent more time at work!” No one says that. However, people do wish they had more moments with friends and family. They do wish to live an authentic life being who they wanted to be instead of who they were told to be.

Why truly are Art, Music, and Physical Education/Recess being cut from schools? Could there be a correlation between those things and the number of children diagnosed with ADD/ADHD? Maybe just maybe they need to expend that energy during the day or channel that energy into creative endeavors.

Why is the definition or perfect example of insanity not the quote so eloquently stated by Ellen Goodman: Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work, driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for, in order to get to a job that you need so you can pay for the clothes, car and the house that you leave empty all day in order to afford to live in it.

The older I get the crazier it drives me. Yes, I understand it as a means to an end {or “seed money” as I’ve been calling it}, because my children have a wonderful habit of liking food and living indoors. As I study and understand more, the more questions I have.

How many wonderful ideas that could change the world lay dormant in great minds too clouded with day-to-day survival or an insatiable appetite to do things they don’t want to do in order to have the ability to buy stuff they don’t need to impress people they don’t like? Or they are afraid of what others might say, think, or do, because the idea seems outlandish, impossible, etc. But no one told them that: no one sees the same things or shares the same vision. Your gifts, your ideas, your talents are yours. And yours alone, because no one can execute them in exactly the same way you can or do.

If that doesn’t describe you. Fine, because it doesn’t describe me either. I checked out of that game years ago. Yet, I meet people, with dreams and plans. I love when I see those dreams and plans manifest themselves into reality. I love hearing the stories and the journey to create those things.

I’ve come to realize over the years that all I really want is to be happy {which I’ve learned how to be, so we can check that off the list}, have wonderful human/spiritual experiences, converse with “Strangers”/fellow travelers/seekers/dreamers/innovators, find an eclectic culturally diverse beach town with great beaches and crystal blue or emerald green water, and good health. For those of you thinking what about your family? Your children? Living that life, they will be happy, healthy, well-rounded, human/spiritual beings, too! They are happiest during those experiences or our “adventures” {Thanks Yo Gabba Gabba}.

Those are my thoughts this day as I focus on being a better me and how I can serve to make this world a little better than I found it.

#YABJAYA
#GetFocsi

~FocsiMama

Hidden In Plain Sight: The Other Face of Poverty

*names changed by families request

This portrait of poverty was shared by a lovely family and great friends on the brink of recovery hoping to comfort others in similar circumstances. They are warm, inspiring, and humbled by life. Despite their setbacks, they continue to laugh and forge ahead. I thank them for the privilege of sharing their story with me.

As told by the Kings:

For the past several years we’ve all heard the political debates about the poor and how shiftless, lazy, amoral, uneducated, economic leeches “they” are. Well, we are “they”. My family of four. The Kings. Hidden in plain sight. The other face of poverty. This is not a story of depression nor a cry of sympathy. It is one family’s story of loss, humility, and becoming.

The Loss

We bought the dream and associated clichés. Go to college. Work Hard. Get a great job. Work Hard. Follow your dreams. Pursue your passions. Two liberal arts degrees. Yes, I know {now} what everyone says, “Liberal Arts degrees do not a career make!” However, during the Tech Boom during the budding new millennium anyone could become an IT rock star. So, rock on they did.

After amassing extensive experience and a great resumes, per the various feedback received, the economy takes a tumble, and with it so do the careers of this merry union. Instead of being stagnant, back to school they went to learn a new set of skills within the IT field.

After gaining new skills, updating resumes, months pass while the rejection emails clutter their inboxes; the savings account dwindles, and foreclosure looms.

Humility

Well meaning family and friends suggest, despite having multiple degrees, apply to the local grocery chain (didn’t get hired), fast food collectives (didn’t get hired), each of the big box get everything you could ever need or want under one roof stores (didn’t get hired), electronic stores (didn’t get hired), temp agencies, recruiting agencies, etc. As if each of those things were not attempted after humbling yourself to do whatever it takes to feed your growing family of four.

Because of course, you are not being hired, there must be something wrong with you, your résumé, your interviewing skills; or you are simply being too picky about the type of job, salary, location, or one of several things. The problem must absolutely be you or else you would have job after 1-3-6-9 months. You must not want to work or you simply aren’t trying hard enough, despite applying for several jobs (30+ per day), catering your résumé for said jobs, even crafting cover letters to highlight transferable skills; or “dumbing” down to get jobs that require far less experience and expertise that you have. Yes, we know. Losers. Lazy. Horrible Parents. Horrible Employees.

Yes, we asked for feedback and assistance on resumes, asked for referrals, and all the other things people in our situation do. Some people were helpful, and others were paddling their own canoe in an attempt to stay afloat.

Becoming

The first foray into the Social Services system, we were told: “You don’t look like you need assistance!” Our favorite: “Y’all don’t look like the people we typically get!” That didn’t make us feel much better. Only to discover that we don’t qualify, because we simply aren’t poor enough. $535/a week combined income for a family of four is too much money. That equates to $27,664 for a full year. However, those Unemployment checks only cover a fraction of the household bills. We cut all unnecessary expenses. No cable, Internet only. Free or low cost activities for the kids. Drive only when absolutely necessary. All in an attempt to stretch the rapidly diminishing savings. Then it happens. We lose our home.

One night while packing our belongings and readying ourselves for our new life, I burst into tears at the realization that we are those people. Homeless. Then the fear crept in, what if we get stuck? Stuck in the system. Stuck living in our car. Stuck with nowhere to go (we called several shelters and they were full or you had to be employed to get temporary housing). Stuck on the fringe.

Yeah, at first, it was a blow. Then it was a relief of sorts. Luckily, we had family who were kind enough to open their home. Living with family is humbling and embarrassing. Yes, it was temporary, and yes, we needed a place to stay. However, going from two incomes of $55-60/hour, to surviving on savings and unemployment is a hard pill to swallow.

Only their closet family and friends know. To the rest of the world it is business as usual. Smiling and responding as usual to the question, “How are you?” Great, we say, while silently feeling like an outsider peeking into the picturesque scene of others’ lives. Feeling like outsiders living on the edge of society. Suffering silently with no clue what to do next, except pray. Pray, we did. Every day with earnestness and faith. Wondering aloud at the lessons being learned. Reviewing our past actions and karmic deposits.

Through it all we found ways to keep the children active, engaged, happy, and blind to the worries of adult life. We found ways to communicate, love, laugh, and remain friends with one another. Laugh hard until the tears flowed on some occasions simply to keep from falling. The laughter held us up, as we held each other up in prayer.

We are the homeless not counted by statisticians. We do not exist. We are not uneducated. We are not lazy. We are a family having a temporary hardship. We asked ourselves:

“What happens, should we not bounce back before the kindness of family runs out?”

“What do people like us do?”

“Where do we go?” (Social Services did tell us to let them know where we’d be moving to so that they could transfer our files, especially since it wasn’t processed or assigned to a caseworker. We thought to ourselves: “We don’t have an address!”)

“What now?”

Onward and Upward sounds so cliché, but it is true. We can only go up from here. Forward.

10 Questions | Hip Hop

Neo-Hip Hop, Artistic Musings, & Reflections on Life

10 Questions

1. is the neo-hip hop movement a cry for help or the anthem of mediocrity?
2. is it music imitating life or life imitating music?
3. what messages are offered in the form of romantic relationships & the “we-don’t-love-them-hoes” theme that has embedded itself into the music (r&b included), as well as the overall culture?
4. is old skool hip hop dead?
5. if so, can it be revived?
6. where are the ladies?
7. when did the storytelling & actual prose take a backseat to contrived backstories, non-words, and gimmicky pr stunts?
8. where is the shovel to dig up the underground?
9. what happened to the artistry, finesse, and prescence?
10. where is the love?

if you could ask hip hop a question (s), what would it be?