Natural Beauty | Self-Love | Hair Envy


Never before shared why I went Natural story.

The first time I went natural in 1993 was by force. I had no choice. My hair began to fall out at a rapid rate. No one could tell us why. We went to several doctors and specialists. Numerous tests were done. Nothing. Three months after the hair loss began, 3/4 of my bra strap length hair was gone! Then, one of the doctors noticed my new growth was blond. That patch of blond hair told them what was causing my hair loss: Alopecia Areata.
For the next 3-4 months I went twice a month to a dermatologist for treatment. The treatment consisted of 20-30 scalp injections, basically getting 20-30 shots. One day, I told my mom I wasn’t going back, and I was OK whether my hair grew back or not.

This was huge, because I was all about my hair. The styles, the products, the health of it, the maintenance. Back then I would’ve been a fabulous hair blogger. I digress. I wanted to do a big chop, and everyone said NO. So I wore a sew in and used black hair spray for about a year, which is why i loath weaves and wigs now. I used to wear wigs occasionally.

Finally, my hair grew out enough that I no longer needed weave. I trimmed my hair, and was all naturale! I permed my hair 2-3 times a year after that. Then I decided to do the big chop 16 years later! I cut long hair in stages, and did the big chop when it was bob length by cutting out a huge chunk of hair while taking out some micros. That way I knew my stylist would have to cut it! Cut it she did to about a 1/2 an inch.

I loved my hair short. The in between was frustrating, but that introduced me to the world of headwraps! Now it’s full, big, and almost to my hair crush length of bra strap length when curly.

The lesson I learned was this: I am not my hair and beauty comes from more than just your hair. You wear your hair in various styles. It doesn’t wear you. You make it beautiful. It doesn’t make you beautiful!
YABJAYA {You Are Beautiful Just As You Are}
Erika “FocsiMama”


Stop Acting Like a Lady

FocsiThese days there are numerous books and quotes about “Acting like a Lady/Queen”. There is a key element missing from this well intentioned advice.
Instead of acting like a lady and a queen, BE a lady and a queen. You may reading this saying: “I’m not a Lady.” or  “I’m not a Queen.” I say to you: Yes, You Are. Here’s why:
A Queen is ruler of herself. She has mastery of herself. She takes responsibility for her thoughts, actions, and life. As part of her Queendom, she takes care with her words and deeds. That is where being a Lady comes in.
Being a Lady does not mean you are helpless or that you must dumb yourself down. Not at all. Being a Lady means living your life in way that reflects your true nature as a Queen.
Do not confuse any of this with being a diva, high maintenance, or spoiled. A Lady can and will do for herself. However, she can and will ask for help; when she choses she allows others to assist her without feeling diminished in any capacity.
Remember, You Are Beautiful Just As You Are! {YABJAYA!}

You Are Ugly.

“You Are Ugly.”What?

Walk with me. I’m going to share a story with y’all. I didn’t really date until I was in my 30’s after getting a divorce. Before that, I can count one hand the number of boyfriends I had; I was a serial monogamist. Then I entered into the world of dating. There were some interesting characters and experiences, but the ones I want to share with you today were the ones who said things like:

“You’re not attractive.”

“You’re at best a 6, but you sexy, though!”

“I don’t like women with short hair!” (I had short hair at the time after doing my first big chop!)

“Your breasts/butt/etc. isn’t big enough, round enough, enough, enough, enough.”

You see where this is going. I would hear these things, and at first, it stung. Then one day, I said to myself:

“You know what? They are correct I’m not a dime. I’m not a 10! Because I’m a more than that. I’m 100 dimes. I’m 4 quarters!”

In those moments, I realized the only opinion that matter was my own. I began the process of fading to black on anyone who would say such things. Don’t get me wrong constructive criticism can be helpful, but only should you deem it so.

The “Why” do I keep meeting this dude over and over again hit me like a ton of bricks. I kept meeting the same man, repeatedly, because he was merely reflecting what I thought of myself at the time; A mirror image of my self-esteem, self-worth, and most importantly self-love. When you are happy, healthy, whole, and healed (one of my many daily affirmations, I am happy. I am healthy. I am whole. I am healed.), you will not allow nor attract that; and when you do you understand that what they are saying is their reality and their truth, but it is not yours’. No one’s opinion has weight or importance more than what YOU give it.

Out of that awakening: Focsi was born along with YABJAYA! {You Are Beautiful Just As You Are!} You are enough. You are worthy. You are love and loved.

Have a tremendous Tuesday.