Home » YABJAYA/Self Love » Random Thought | Self-Love, Hair, & Identity

Random Thought | Self-Love, Hair, & Identity

I’m often asked why don’t I get more involved and post articles about Natural Hair. I love natural hair & just the art of hair styling, in general.

I can’t have constant conversation about hair, because it is “just hair” to me! It isn’t that serious. That wasn’t always the case, because I used to spend entire weekends on my hair, and take at least 2 hours everyday to do my hair. Yeah it was that serious, until at the age of 17, I lost 3/4 of the hair on my head, as well as losing hair on other parts of my body. Gone! Bald! In two months, my long, thick, beautiful hair was almost non-existent due to a hereditary condition, Alopecia Areata.

That thing was such a part of my identity disappeared and I was told it may never return. After 3 months of 20-30 scalp injections twice a month, I decided to stop the treatments that only had a 50-50 chance of regrowing my hair. I told my mom, “It is all up to God and whatever the lesson is I’m to learn from this!”

Instead of lamenting the loss of my hair I accepted it. I wore a sew in with the few remaining strands of hair I had for about a year. Until my grew back enough to not need it. The new hair was considerably finer and less thick than the original, but I was lucky that it grew back. I wanted to cut it, but everyone was so terrified the Alopecia would strike, again, then what would I do. My hair would be too short to hide the bald spots or get weave.

However, I researched double sided tape for wigs and was ready to shave my head Sinead O’Connor style without worry. The big chop didn’t occur until 13 years later. This time, I did it without asking or telling anyone, and I did something that required my hair to be cut. While taking out the million little braids, known as micros from my hair, I got a pair of scissors and cut a huge section of hair from the middle of head. The next day, I told my stylist, cut it all off. ALL OF IT. She tried to reason that she could just cut the top and leave the length. My mind was made up. I wanted to cut my hair for over 15 years. Now was the time for so many reasons. 

She asked how I wanted it cut, I showed her several pictures I brought with me. We laughed, because each photo was different, but they all had one thing in common: Short! After our laugh, we decided to just go wherever the scissors took her. 30 minutes later I had less than 1/2 inch of hair styled in a curly mohawk with even shorter sides. No fear. No tears. Just relief.

This time, I chose to be without the protection that long hair provides. It was a necessary purging, a release of emotional and spiritual baggage. I could start over and be the woman I wanted to be, but was too afraid to be. Then came the additional tattoos and various short hair styles with copper color. Out of that self discovery Focsi & YABJAYA were born, and here she remains.

I love short hair, and I miss it. However, there will be no big chop until I reach my hair goal. I’m 1/2 way there. Then we’ll see! But I don’t get involved in the “hair discussions” because I’m somewhat of a lazy natural. There is no hair regiment. No secret blend of products. I simply do what my hair needs when it needs. I read the labels on products and stick with the natural and organic ones. Most days, unless I have to leave my house, my hair is in a bun or ponytail, high or low. It keeps my hair out of my face and out of eyes, which drives me crazy!

That’s my hair-story! What’s your’s?

You Are Beautiful Just As You Are (YABJAYA)





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