Home » Focsi Mamas » no wedding, no womb, NO WAY

no wedding, no womb, NO WAY

dear ms. karazin (and mr. perry-if you’re listening) & no wedding, no womb supporters,

as a woman, my womb is priceless. my womb, with the Creator’s magnificence, is life-giving. it is a universe and world all its own.

but my value as a woman is not my womb, nor is my value or worthiness based on a man putting a ring on it in order to make an “honest women” of me, rescue me from the vestiges of spinster-hood, or reformation of a glorious whore.

therefore, ms. karazin (and please listen mr. perry), i do not need to be saved, rescued, validated, or have my children be valued, valuable, or legitimized by a man or by marriage.

to make generalizations and throw around statics without framing or contextualizing them is irresponsible and detrimental. i understand that something needs to change within us all, as a community, but sliding back into history to shame and ostracize single mothers is not the answer. nor is criticizing, shaming, and blaming women who have children outside of wedlock for the demise of our youth and community.

single motherhood, fatherlessness, etc are not the problem. the problems lie in the face of spreading the message that children without their fathers are somehow less than children with their fathers in their lives. throwing around statics that say children born to single mothers are going to be high school drop-outs, drug addicts, teen parents, suicidal, poor, etc is the problem.

hence telling them they are doomed. they are unworthy. unlovable. beyond redemption from jump, because daddy, for whatever reasons, did not stick around.

why not instead, truly become the village that everyone says it takes to raise a child. why not show and tell our children they are beautiful. brilliant. loved. lovable. worthy. why not focus on having loving nurturing relationships with ourselves and our mates; let’s learn to effectively and proactively communicate. how about setting better examples for our children, instead of being hypocrites, selfish, and lazy? let’s go back to the time when parents were involved in their child’s educations; when family mattered; when men acted like men and women acted like women, not boys and girls playing grown up.

is no wedding, no womb honestly realistic given the divorce rate continues to sky-rocket. so please tell me how does promoting marriage before children save our children? what good does it do to have two parents who are broken individuals? as someone stated, “i’ll take one good parent, instead of two horrible parents!”

why should i as a woman have to wait on a man or a marriage before enjoying the joys of parenthood? especially when i am in a position physically, emotionally, and financially to do so? why should i not have a child, if i am not only willing, but work towards becoming a better Spirit, woman, and person? after all our children deserve the best parents that we can all be. our best changes daily, but if that is what we are striving for how can we go wrong?

being the best person you can be in order to be the best parent means looking outside ourselves sometimes for the answers on how to do this. so let’s destigmatize counseling in our community. empower people to work through their issues, childhood traumas, communications, past pain, etc. let’s challenge the community as a whole to be better individuals, which in turn will trickle down to our children.

children are not mistakes. children are not accidents. anyone who transitions into this world has value. is lovable. deserves to be loved and cared for in the best way possible regardless of the familial structure. growing up in an environment where a child feels loved, secure, safe, and valued goes a lot further than simply adding a “father” or “father figure” to a child’s life.

My two cents, as the Mom of a happy beautiful 6 month old Daughter being raised by a village of beautiful (inside and out) people.

A Proud (Single) Mom
(& Daddy’s Girl-Yes, my Dad has been around my entire life!)

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7 thoughts on “no wedding, no womb, NO WAY

  1. Pingback: Criticism: “No Wedding No Womb, No Way.” « No Wedding, No Womb!

  2. Hello, i finally caught a moment to read your response. I wonder if you read any of the blog entries from the blog in, or did you formulate your opinion of “No wedding, no womb” under the misguided perception that it is about YOU and your womb.

    Instead the focus is on those very ideals you put forth, that no child is a mistake. And therefore they should not be treated as such or spoken of in such a manner. Further their importance should be number one. Why should you wait to have a child because you don’t have a man to be a father? Because the child needs a father! Children are not pets or possessions. What makes you think having a child is some right granted to you by the Creator? A child is a human being, not an object. You speak as though you are talking about a pair of Jimmy Choos or a labradoodle.

    It seems that you, like many others, once again place the importance on yourself and adults who make adult decisions that impact children. Instead of caring about the potential needs (like having two adoring parents) of your child.

    You ask that we become the village to assist in raising YOUR child, that YOU chose to create. When we ask that before you choose to create a child that you think about doing it with someone who will be there for your child in his intended role.

    So basically, you do what ever you like, we should shut up about it and help you in the end? Really?

    As much as you’d like to believe that the problem is that we are not part of the village raising your child, you miss out on the fact that there are increasingly more children in need of a village and less village because people choose to selfishly have children without giving thought to what the child deserves to have.

    • i’m finally able to catch up and read your response.
      1. Yes I did take the time to read the blogs on the NWNW site!
      2. Obviously you did not read my blog post in it’s entirety, if you did, you missed my point completely.
      3. I do not disagree that children need a father, however things happen in life. The child’s father could die, or choose to leave for whatever reason, then what? The situation is still the same. People become single mothers for various reasons & they aren’t all due to irresponsibility, selfishness, or for want of state assistance and a pay check!
      4. Asking folks to become part of the Village, does not denote a hand out!
      5. The Village is encouraging, uplifting, empowering, nuturing, etc. The Village does not call a child a bastard and worthless for lack of a father or how they came to be. PERIOD.
      6. If you don’t get that, TOUGH! It’s true.
      7. I don’t want other people policing my womb, my body, etc.
      8. In reading your response, it sounds like you’re saying have an abortion if there’s man around…. I could be a lesbian for all you know! Therefore, my child would be fatherless, all the same!
      9. As I stated children need to be raised in safe, loving, nurturing, healthy environment regardless of the parental structure. There are several studies that show children need stability above all else and children who grow up in stable single parent home are just as successful as those from two parent homes.
      10. If I have the means to provide all of the above for my child, then the decision to have a child is selfless, because parenting of any sort is WORK! Period. Abortion is not an option!
      11. I choose to speak because I do not, and others do not fit the stereotype being pushed by NWNW! I don’t condone bs and lies being spread to further someone else’s agenda or have a support group for their own insecurities!

  3. Wow! Wow! And Wow! It is funny to me how people think that they can create a WORLD in their own minds and reaping and sowing does not apply to them. Why?
    So you mean to tell me that the security of working for promissory notes and gaining a lot of them is what makes anyone a stable and capable individual to raise a child alone?!!!
    You be convinced by your own mind on the topic of parenting. BUT please oh please do not publicize your misguided view on parenting and family because ONLY truth will find you out! Like these truths that you could of course debate publicly on NWNW, but deep down you WILL be fuming. Why? Because YOU, F…mama know good and well that the very FACT that YOU are on here being vague shows your bones spilling out with every word you type!! Haha!!!

    1. You may have read… but possibly did not comprehend well based upon your misguided and defensive responses.
    2. Where is your baby’s daddy? What would he or they say about you?? It could be a chance that you are keeping your child away from their dad (which will bite you in the you know where later in life), or YOU don’t know WHO the child’s father is! Or you know who the daddy is and you just made him a host to help validate you in your twisted little world! Jokes on YOU!
    3. How dare you to create a situation for your own self, and then put yourself in the place where situations really do happen and families are broken. YOU obviously know NOTHING about family and love and unity… Little Misguided One.
    4. You are irresponsible if you think that only YOU can provide for your child all that they would need in life. No one is above what LIFE could throw their way. Not even you! No matter how many provisions you set up for you and yours… you could loose it all in one day. You could get sick, or pass away even. Happens all the time! Then what??
    5. Your blogs find you out! You are telling on your own self!! You are showing yourself to be an insecure individual, that can’t help but to create your own fantasy world with your own rules, way, and regulations!! No one is above The Most High’s law!! However, you have made yourself believe your own delusions. lol
    6. No baby daddy to claim? Things that make you go HUMMMMM! Even in all your greed, vanity, miseducation, and selfishness you cannot seem to come up with an answer for that one huh??
    7. Be 100. Be true. Stop lying to yourself and thus, lying to others (giving us an eye infection via reading your carelessness) about who and/or what you are. Just say it! You just needed a host like the movie ‘Species’ and you are really an alien/reptile – COLD BLOODED! Only then will I comprehend your I am woman, hear me roar-ness!

    Suggestions from the wise (because I am a woman who nurtures and loves loves her babies and KNOW single parenting and the importance of both roles of mom and dad in a child’s life):

    1. Do not deny your helpless child the relationship that they could have with their father, as you where not denied a relationship with your dad as you have stated. Also, that child has inherited certain attributes, DNA, DNA, from the daddy! Do you know anything about that?
    2. Seek help! You need counseling of some sort.
    3. Be honest with yourself! Go allow the child to meet their dad and then blog to your hearts content!
    4. Stop fighting a system, a way, a law, that was created long long before you came into this dimension.
    5. Stop being irresponsible!
    6. All questions are rhetorical. Just put out there for you to think, or ponder on.
    7. I expect you to dig some rocks out of a bag and throw them in an attempt to injure because the truth hurts. OR I expect you to attempt to bite back because that is what reptilians do. Not calling you any names…. but YOUR actions will DEFINE YOU!

  4. Wow! Wow! And Wow! It is funny to me how people think that they can create a WORLD in their own minds and reaping and sowing does not apply to them. Why?
    So you mean to tell me that the security of working for promissory notes and gaining a lot of them is what makes anyone a stable and capable individual to raise a child alone?!!!
    You be convinced by your own mind on the topic of parenting. BUT please oh please do not publicize your misguided view on parenting and family because ONLY truth will find you out! Like these truths that you could of course debate publicly on NWNW, but deep down you WILL be fuming. Why? Because YOU, F…mama know good and well that the very FACT that YOU are on here being vague shows your bones spilling out with every word you type!! Haha!!!

    1. You may have read… but possibly did not comprehend well based upon your misguided and defensive responses.
    2. Where is your baby’s daddy? What would he or they say about you?? It could be a chance that you are keeping your child away from their dad (which will bite you in the you know where later in life), or YOU don’t know WHO the child’s father is! Or you know who the daddy is and you just made him a host to help validate you in your twisted little world! Jokes on YOU!
    3. How dare you to create a situation for your own self, and then put yourself in the place where situations really do happen and families are broken. YOU obviously know NOTHING about family and love and unity… Little Misguided One.
    4. You are irresponsible if you think that only YOU can provide for your child all that they would need in life. No one is above what LIFE could throw their way. Not even you! No matter how many provisions you set up for you and yours… you could loose it all in one day. You could get sick, or pass away even. Happens all the time! Then what??
    5. Your blogs find you out! You are telling on your own self!! You are showing yourself to be an insecure individual, that can’t help but to create your own fantasy world with your own rules, way, and regulations!! No one is above The Most High’s law!! However, you have made yourself believe your own delusions. lol
    6. No baby daddy to claim? Things that make you go HUMMMMM! Even in all your greed, vanity, miseducation, and selfishness you cannot seem to come up with an answer for that one huh??
    7. Be 100. Be true. Stop lying to yourself and thus, lying to others (giving us an eye infection via reading your carelessness) about who and/or what you are. Just say it! You just needed a host like the movie ‘Species’ and you are really an alien/reptile – COLD BLOODED! Only then will I comprehend your I am woman, hear me roar-ness!

    Suggestions from the wise (because I am a woman who nurtures and loves loves her babies and KNOW single parenting and the importance of both roles of mom and dad in a child’s life):

    1. Do not deny your helpless child the relationship that they could have with their father, as you where not denied a relationship with your dad as you have stated. Also, that child has inherited certain attributes, DNA, DNA, from the daddy! Do you know anything about that?
    2. Seek help! You need counseling of some sort.
    3. Be honest with yourself! Go allow the child to meet their dad and then blog to your hearts content!
    4. Stop fighting a system, a way, a law, that was created long long before you came into this dimension.
    5. Stop being irresponsible!
    6. All questions are rhetorical. Just put out there for you to think, or ponder on.
    7. I expect you to dig some rocks out of a bag and throw them in an attempt to injure because the truth hurts. OR I expect you to attempt to bite back because that is what reptilians do. Not calling you any names…. but YOUR actions will DEFINE YOU!

    • I laughed reading your comments! For all you know, my child’s father could be dead! Yes, I do know who her father is. Again, Single Mother does not mean WHORE! As many of you NWNW followers like to believe.

      We all have free will! And in parenting situations, not all men or women chose to be parents, even if they did contribute the child’s biological make up.

      As a mother, you should understand that simply giving birth does not make all women mothers, nor does sharing genetic material, make a man a father. Let’s not act like this is some sort of utopia….. Families do come in all forms, and those forms are born out of a variety of reasons. Not all of which are irresponsibility or selfishness.

      If a woman has a wonderful support system, the means, and is mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially able to care for a child, why should not? Is abortion a better option because the “baby daddy” as you called him decided not to stick around. We all know as women, it is much easier for a man to cope out and say “She crazy” than it is to actually deal with responsibility in the situation.

      Oddly enough I had this debate with a group of young men, just the other weekend. None of them could understand that the responsibility starts when you choose to engage in sex, and that “she crazy” is not a reason to walk away from your responsibility once a child becomes involved. They choose to have sex, knowing that a pregnancy could result! Period!

      So my advice to you would be to take your generalizations, hate, and attitude to CHECK YOURSELF. Since you know single motherhood and what it entails… I hope you are not passing all that self hate and delusion to your child/children! Who are their fathers? Where are they? Clean your own house, before you attempt to be an expert and clean mine!

      YABJAYA

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