dear ms. karazin (and mr. perry-if you’re listening) & no wedding, no womb supporters,
as a woman, my womb is priceless. my womb, with the Creator’s magnificence, is life-giving. it is a universe and world all its own.
but my value as a woman is not my womb, nor is my value or worthiness based on a man putting a ring on it in order to make an “honest women” of me, rescue me from the vestiges of spinster-hood, or reformation of a glorious whore.
therefore, ms. karazin (and please listen mr. perry), i do not need to be saved, rescued, validated, or have my children be valued, valuable, or legitimized by a man or by marriage.
to make generalizations and throw around statics without framing or contextualizing them is irresponsible and detrimental. i understand that something needs to change within us all, as a community, but sliding back into history to shame and ostracize single mothers is not the answer. nor is criticizing, shaming, and blaming women who have children outside of wedlock for the demise of our youth and community.
single motherhood, fatherlessness, etc are not the problem. the problems lie in the face of spreading the message that children without their fathers are somehow less than children with their fathers in their lives. throwing around statics that say children born to single mothers are going to be high school drop-outs, drug addicts, teen parents, suicidal, poor, etc is the problem.
hence telling them they are doomed. they are unworthy. unlovable. beyond redemption from jump, because daddy, for whatever reasons, did not stick around.
why not instead, truly become the village that everyone says it takes to raise a child. why not show and tell our children they are beautiful. brilliant. loved. lovable. worthy. why not focus on having loving nurturing relationships with ourselves and our mates; let’s learn to effectively and proactively communicate. how about setting better examples for our children, instead of being hypocrites, selfish, and lazy? let’s go back to the time when parents were involved in their child’s educations; when family mattered; when men acted like men and women acted like women, not boys and girls playing grown up.
is no wedding, no womb honestly realistic given the divorce rate continues to sky-rocket. so please tell me how does promoting marriage before children save our children? what good does it do to have two parents who are broken individuals? as someone stated, “i’ll take one good parent, instead of two horrible parents!”
why should i as a woman have to wait on a man or a marriage before enjoying the joys of parenthood? especially when i am in a position physically, emotionally, and financially to do so? why should i not have a child, if i am not only willing, but work towards becoming a better Spirit, woman, and person? after all our children deserve the best parents that we can all be. our best changes daily, but if that is what we are striving for how can we go wrong?
being the best person you can be in order to be the best parent means looking outside ourselves sometimes for the answers on how to do this. so let’s destigmatize counseling in our community. empower people to work through their issues, childhood traumas, communications, past pain, etc. let’s challenge the community as a whole to be better individuals, which in turn will trickle down to our children.
children are not mistakes. children are not accidents. anyone who transitions into this world has value. is lovable. deserves to be loved and cared for in the best way possible regardless of the familial structure. growing up in an environment where a child feels loved, secure, safe, and valued goes a lot further than simply adding a “father” or “father figure” to a child’s life.
My two cents, as the Mom of a happy beautiful 6 month old Daughter being raised by a village of beautiful (inside and out) people.
A Proud (Single) Mom
(& Daddy’s Girl-Yes, my Dad has been around my entire life!)