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i ain’t no damn wilda beast

let’s play a little word game. starting with the word prey. what words come to mind when you hear/see the word prey. {take a moment} my list is as follows: hunters. hunted. chase. capture. violence. kill. maim. excitement. fear. adrenaline. skill. cunning. bloodshed. survival. jungle. lion. tiger. alligator. gazelle. impala. wilda beast. run.

as i was reading an article about a yet another well-meaning (or slick hustla) wrote a book full of playa secrets for woman. replete with ‘red flags’, schemes, give aways, and mo’s (modus operandi) used by men to “hunt” women. these secrets were revealed so that women can be taught how to avoid the trap and snares of a playboy, a bad boy, or just a plain old run-of-the-mill sorry *shut yo mouth.

the author equates, more than once, that men by nature are hunters. they like to hunt and that no man wants prey (a woman) that simply lies at his feet. therefore women (prey) should not give up so easily and if you do keep a few tricks for marriage. he, also, suggests that woman (prey) should not pursue a man, because no man wants that.

although the author’s intent was to inform and educate, and for women of that school of thought his tips and tricks are great! but for the others of us… nevermind, i’ll just say, ME. i ain’t no damn wilda beast, nor am i a character in a fairy tale rescuing the beast from himself (sorry brotha you got to save yourself, playa). i do not want to be hunted. stalked. pounced upon. jumped. taken by surprise. captured. maimed. or killed (physically or spiritually) for sport or for love. cuz if he’s hunting for love’s sake, that’s love of another sort that has nothing to do with moi.

the attitude that women are prey leads to numerous cases of violence and abuse against women. abuse comes in the form of physical, mental, and emotional. in an effort to live up to the hype that men are dominant and women must be conquered and made to submit. women are objectified, and are to be used for the pleasure of men, both visually and physically. hence the porn and sex work industries being a billion dollar a year business.

hip hop culture is full of machismo and misogyny from the lyrics to the lifestyle and videos. women are accessories, a means to that lavish lifestyle who are tossed, tossed up, then tossed out. the hyper-masculinity that plays out on-screen is emulated by young men and women as the norm. being stalked is not normal. disrespect and games are a waste of my grown a$$ time.

someone once told me that all men are 3 things: a provider, a protector, and a predator. most men are socialized to believe that they are by nature hunters and it is open season on whomever they choose. if that’s your thing, do you, boo. but i would prefer a man who sees that i am a wo(man) second, and a spiritual being having a human experience first. one who has respect and understanding for things outside the box of the material world. i’ll take respect and love over material possessions and *situational niceness.

a nice car. designer/stylish clothing. a good job. good credit. a home. a degree. do not, DO NOT make a man a good man! whatever it is he is ABOUT to do does not matter. what has he done and what is he doing, that is what i want to know. is there something else that motivates him above and a beyond amassing “stuff” that drives him? does he volunteer, give back to the community? love his mama? and if not why? love his family (father, sister, brother, cousin)?

besides what happen to good old fashion conversation with open and honest communications. no riddles, text messages, and emails. just late-night-let’s-have-a-real-grown-conversation-about-nothing-and-everything or spending the weekend doing activities that lend themselves to two people getting to know one another while remaining fully clothed. truth be told, most people do not know what real intimacy looks like, feels like, sounds like.

you certainly don’t see that when the lion jumps on the back of his prey and wrestles it to the ground as it groans in agony struggling to escape. i’ll leave the hunting to the animal kingdom, where they have no choice and are truly operating within their nature. and expect more of men, who have a choice in how they behave. men who can choose to change. choose respect. choose to live and act from a perspective of love. choose to do something different and not succumb or go along with socially acceptable mediocrity.

therefore, forget the dating rules of the jungle. where is it written that i, we, can’t make our own rules. set our own perimeters and boundaries. after all no two relationships are alike. the possibilities are endless. don’t hunt, just explore, and enjoy.

*situationally nice or situational niceness: when people are nice or appear to be nice and perform random acts of kindness to further their own purposes and get what they want. once that is achieved or they realize that their goal will not be met, these people are no longer nice!

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