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the illusion of nice

the illusion of nice

“i just don’t want anyone’s feelings to get hurt.” words that usually precede a declaration that will in fact hurt someone’s feelings, break a heart, or disappoint. most of us have either said those words or received them, as we braced ourselves for the inevitable truth to follow. however, when i hear those words i listen for what is not said through sugar-coated bullsugarhoneyicetea that follow such a warning.

the utterance of the words themselves begs for an unspoken apology or forgiveness from the recipient while the messenger tries to avoid responsibility. so in an attempt to not be “that guy/girl”, guess what… YOU ARE THAT GUY/GIRL, if only for an instant. yes YOU! YOU acted somewhat selfishly and without honest open communication. so YES, YOU are a DUCK, well really an asshole at least in this situation.

if you truly don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings then don’t do dumb ish that you know at some point is going to do just that. i’m just saying. afterward don’t be upset or surprised when someone is hurt by your inability to properly communicate expectations and boundaries. “i’m sorry!” doesn’t really make it any better nor does confessing how much of a {insert self deprecating name here} that you call yourself.

i’m sure someone is reading this and saying “you’ve done it to!” well as a matter of fact i have, and in doing so, i’ve learned when it comes to interpersonal relationships:

1. if you are not interested in someone, don’t give them false hope. hurt their feelings early while its easy and they aren’t overly emotionally invested in the situation.

2. don’t say “we can still be friends”, because more often than not, NO we really can’t, at least not at first.

3. trying to live up to some nice guy/girl reputation or self induced ego trip you’ve painted for yourself, you will always fall short. the only person you can be is you. your best will change daily.

4. if you do each of the above and someone is unhappy, bitter, hates you, stalks, or feels that these are merely invitations to try harder; remember the only person’s actions/reactions you can control are your own.

more than likely, if said individual is honest, the recognition that you did both of you a favor will eventually sink in. after all you freed him/her up for the one who will appreciate the opportunity being offered.

*if someone does say “i just don’t want anyone’s feelings to get hurt,” in reference to my feelings, i do reserve the right to move on, opt out of said friendship, and the right of deletion. after all, my friends would not “intentionally” set out to hurt me.

despite what folks say, love doesn’t hurt, but truth does (only in a sense that it does not allow the illusions of what we think we know to stand).

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2 thoughts on “the illusion of nice

  1. “you’ve done it to!” lol
    My favorite #1. Hurt them now while it easy and dont wait for the “right time” its never right hurting another but playing your self is worst then hurting someone else

    Focsi spoke!!! Luv Love

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